Down syndrome sex

...or, why a typical female would have a romantic relationship with a male who has Down syndrome…

Be prepared for some surprising answers!

With all the opportunities for people with Down syndrome today sex and sexuality is one of the new social issues we will have to “feel our way” through. It’s exciting to see relationships blossom and marriages taking place.

Usually these relationships are a couple with Down syndrome, or another developmental disability. But…

What if someone with Down syndrome met another someone who had no disabilities? Who was pretty much typical by any standards? What if they both fell in love?

Meet “Rebecca” and “George” (names are changed to protect privacy). Rebecca does not have Down syndrome, George does. It was love at first sight. When I first heard of this lovely couple, I had so many questions for them! These two have graciously agreed to an interview.

Perhaps the question should be not why would she love him, but why wouldn’t she?

How did you two meet?

When we first moved to another part of the country my mom and I were at the pool at our apartment. George was there and was swimming and he made a comment about the flower print on my bathing suit. I made a comment to him about his bathing suit. We started talking. I liked him right away. When he was about to head back I didn't want the conversation to stop so I looked for the first thing I could, which was a tetherball pole near the pool. I'm horrible at tetherball but I asked him if he wanted to play. He creamed me but we kept talking afterwards for awhile longer. After that we always looked for each other at the pool and within 2 weeks we were dating.

What do you like to do for fun?

Oh, everything. We listen to music sometimes and I let him use one headphone on my ipod and I use the other. We’ve watched every scary movie we can get our hands on. There’s a park and hills right behind our apartment complex--a short walk away. We never had hills like this back where we used to live, so I love going there with George and just holding hands for romantic walks. We play some goofy board games with our moms, like Scrabble and Monopoly. Ms.(George’s mother) has taught me how to play Hearts, which she and George knew how to play but I didn't until we started dating. When we go out we love bowling, which is fun because George usually wins. I need to practice more!

How long have you been dating?

Our 7 month anniversary is on November 3rd, 2008.

What do your friends think of your relationship?

My closest friends love George and hang out with him whenever we go out. At school though some people are jerks and say things they shouldn't. Sometimes people are just ignorant and don’t realize that George is the same as me and you and everyone else; he just had different problems growing up. The girls are meaner than the guys at school about it, and say things that are really wrong about him and me. But my best friends--both out here and the ones I keep in touch with from where we used to live--all totally support my relationship and make me feel good about being in love with him. They know I've never met a guy like him before.

George says his friends who work with him at the library are really happy about our relationship and they ask him about me a lot, teasing him but all in good fun. I've met them a few times and they seem great!

What do your parents think?

Our moms are so happy for us, and it’s wild because now it’s like they’re best friends too! Both George and I haven't seen our Dads since we were kids--probably another reason we had so much in common when we first were getting to know one another.

Do people give you pressure not to see each other?

I just asked George this because I don’t know. He says that at first one guy gave him a hard time. There was a boy in our apartments who supposedly was interested in me, and he's jealous that I love George so much. Other than that he says no. For me, at first my mom was really not sure that I was doing the right thing, but now she loves George almost as much as I do. At school some of the girls say ignorant things just to be cruel, but I don't consider that pressure because they don't know him very well, otherwise they'd never act like that. So there’s really not much pressure not to see each other.

GEORGE: What do you like about Rebecca?

Whenever we play games she likes to give me hints, in Scrabble especially. She cares about me.

What attracted you to her?

When we talked she listened to me more than anyone else. Other people look away but she kept staring at me right from the first time we talked. I liked that she listened to me.

GEORGE: Does it bother you that she doesn’t have Down syndrome?

No. Everyone has something different. In resource center in high school I met people with lots of problems, not always downs syndrome.

GEORGE: What does Down syndrome mean to you?

Nothing. We joked in high school that they should call it "up syndrome". We aren't “down”. I just had a delay but I got there. (This is Rebecca, can I just say something. I never knew that but I love learning things like this from George!)

REBECCA: What do you like about George?

He’s so easy to be with. He makes me feel great because he watches the kinds of movies I like, even if I know he prefers something with more action he'll sit through a romantic comedy. He shares his ideas with me. We talk about everything, the presidential race, what movies we want to see, any groups we like, and places we want to go.

What attracted you to him?

I think right from that first day we hit it off because he was so nice when I wanted to play tetherball he just right away said yes. He was game for anything and not boring. He would try hard and not worry if people stared if he grunted when he hit the ball. He just had so much fun it didn't bother him, and I love that about him. He just does everything 110% and loves it, and that made me love it. Like in that first tetherball game, I started to not care either about what people thought, and I was grunting and screaming like crazy when he kept scoring points. It was like a gift he gave me to not care, and to let myself really enjoy something all-out.

REBECCA: Does it bother you that he has Down syndrome?

When we started getting romantic I wasn't sure about some things and had to do research online and at the library. I didn't know if George could do…lovemaking, you know? But oh my gosh he CAN! I can't even believe I was even worried about that now! He can, he can, he can! But then I had some talks with my mother about things like having children, and maybe adopting to form a family. That is so many years off, like maybe 10 or 12 years from now, so it’s not a big deal now at all. I told her that being with George is so relaxing and fun for me that I don't care about the other problems. So his DS doesn't bother me but I do wish that people at my school knew that it isn't a big deal, and that they'd have fun too if they dated someone with DS because of how sincere and loving they are. Although George's taken! :) It really truly isn't a big deal because a person is still a person whether they have DS or not.

What’s your favorite memory of each other?

Our first double date when we went bowling with my friend and her boyfriend. This was months ago and I was nervous at how they'd react to us as a couple. It ended up being so fun. And here's where George broke the ice. I kept complaining to him that it wasn't fair he was beating me because he's stronger. And finally after another complaint playing around it was like the 7th frame and I was leaning over with the ball, totally concentrating because finally I was gonna beat him…and then he came up behind me and gave me a huge wedgie! My friend and her boyfriend were laughing so hard she was crying, and I was laughing too, but totally uncomfortable because my underwear was halfway up my back! They were giving George high-fives and after that moment they just loved him and they love seeing us together. I had to bowl two balls like that before I could run to the bathroom and fix myself...believe me I didn't complain much after that!

Do you go out in public together as boyfriend/girlfriend?

Yes, all the time.

What are people’s reactions to you as a couple?

If it’s our friends they treat us normally. Sometimes if its strangers they give us weird looks, and they'll ask me if George is my brother. I hate that and sometimes I’ve been rude (even though I shouldn't be) by throwing my arms around George and kissing him on the lips and then asking the person if they still think he's my brother. I’ve done that twice and both times the person got the hint and just looked like they didn’t approve and they left. I want people to see George as the wonderful fun sexy boyfriend that he is, and it frustrates me sometimes when sometimes they don't. Thank God my friends are so cool about him.

Any relationship plans for the future, or just one day at a time?

George's cousin is getting married in 2 months and I can't wait to go there with him. I want to meet his whole family and dance with him on the dance floor. I also want to see his cousins wedding dress but I’ll try not to get any ideas! Other than that we just take it one day at a time. Although one thing we have in common is that my mom always watched things like Star Trek when I was growing up, and George loves Star Trek too. It’s really nerdy but we want to go to a convention together. I think it would be so fun to dress up like the characters--George wants to be Captain Kirk, and I want to be Nurse Chapel.

What’s the most fun date you have been on?

Okay we keep having disagreements about the funnest date. We have lots of fun dates even if we stay in. I think the funniest date we’ve had was when we went to Joshua Tree National Park. We hiked and hiked too far, and my feet got sore walking back. We had to take a break so I could take off my shoes and rest. George started rubbing my feet and gave me a great foot massage. I thought that was so sweet! And my feet felt better and we made it the rest of the way back. I didn't even have to ask him to do it. He just saw my feet and the face I was making, and he started rubbing my feet all on his own. That’s why I love him so much. It’s not just that he's fun; it’s that he thinks of me so much at times like that. But the hike was awesome! I’ve never seen desert like that before. It was so beautiful, and I’m thrilled that he was able to share that experience with me.

Well, it sounds like you two have a great time together. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story.

from down syndrome sex to home

It's about so much more than just Down syndrome sex. It's love, romance, loyalty, dedication, fun times, and yes, a person with Down syndrome having sex!